


insomnia

by BlankMarks



Category: Whiplash (2014)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 12:24:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11646513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlankMarks/pseuds/BlankMarks
Summary: Knowing how much it sounds like a joke, Sean never told anyone.Terence Fletcher is the man to die for.





	insomnia

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language, so please bear with me.  
> Also Sean is gonna die, we all know that.

 

 

 

Knowing how much it sounds like a joke, Sean never told anyone.

Terence Fletcher is the man to die for.

 

****

 

The thought of his teacher keeps him awake, night after night. He feels this fire burning inside of him, as if it's trying to devour him. The feeling is not pleasant, hellish even. But it's true. It hurts, because it's true.

 

He can't come to describe this man. Always away from the crowd, a loner. Even when he's surrounded by his band, by his admirers, by all the audience, he is still entirely alone. Just like being a conductor, he always stands on the other side of the stage. Sean wants to tell him that he's the same, that he understands this loneliness, and the sadness it brings. It's in him too. It’s in his music, almost like a trademark of his. Trumpet tells no lies. Sean thinks he already knew. The way his eyes glimmer when Sean plays his solo, the way his facial expressions slightly change. Sean is almost certain that, if there’s a man on earth to understand him and his music, it would have to be his teacher.

 

Of course, later he will know that Fletcher doesn’t understand at all. Or even worse, he deciphered the prayers and sorrows Sean has put into his music, and he chose to do nothing. Sean sent him that CD as a last resort, a scream for help. he didn’t know it’s going to be the song of  farewell.

 

But for now, Sean believes his teacher is the one. He plays for him. He wants to be with him. He wants to love him and accompany him. He wants to die with him.

 

Or at least, to die _for_ him.

 

How strange, Fletcher makes all the fear of dying went away. Sean used to dread this kind of thing. He has never been a tough kid, “too sensitive and fragile”, “not great material for a Jazz musician”. But Fletcher saw something in him, Fletcher gave him a chance. Sean grabbed it so desperately, like a falling man holding onto a thin thread. This thread could lead him to heaven, or even better, to hell. Now he's not afraid any more. He's got Fletcher's eyes on him. His very own death god. Fletcher is like the guardian of hell, vicious hound with three heads, trying to keep people outside. No, you're not qualified to be a part of this particular hell, he barks. All three heads of his.

 

But Sean still wants to be there. In this hell, at the very center of this eternal flame. This passion that lights up something inside of him, this feeling he can’t seem to find elsewhere. He has forsaken heaven to be where he stands, he can't stop now.

 

But deep down he knows, even when he is finally in, he'll always, always be an outsider. He may have won his teacher's heart, his affection, even his approval, but he has never touched his soul. Fletcher is saving it for a special someone. Sean doesn't know their name, but he knows, the world is going to call them the new Charlie Parker.

 

And that is not going to be him.

 

****

 

So in the end, Sean got his wish after all. Just not how he had pictured it.

Will you cry for me? He wanted to ask his teacher.

Even though I was not your Charlie Parker.

 

 

The End.


End file.
